Susan K Mann

Award Nominated Mummy & Parenting blogger. Blogging about the highs and lows of being a working mother of two princes & princess, living out our own fairytale in Scotland.

Toilet Training – Help! Send Wine!

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Toilet training Card

I don’t know about you, but toilet training is one of my least favourite parts of parenting. In fact I’d go so far as to say, yes it did make me turn to drink! Are you nodding along with me and the image above if so read on?

Aria is a stubborn little character and when she doesn’t want to do something, well, there is nothing on earth that will make her. Even something she really wants, a toy, sweets, her own car even, she will NOT budge. I tried in vain several times to toilet train her. At one point I sat on the toilet floor with her for 2 hours watching Elmo potty training videos, she screamed when I put her on the toilet and go so upset she became exhausted and fell asleep on the toilet floor. Yes, pass the wine, gin, anything. I am sure I used the big parent fail of; “fine, stay in nappies until you are 30.” I was so angry at myself, for getting frustrated and annoyed.

Not doing it

I started potty training Aria, the same way I did with the boys, they are all different, but I thought the principle would be the same. We talked about it, we let her go and pick a potty, a toilet seat and even pants. Which I’ve found is the best way to start potty training. She was all for it. We had the reward chart, stickers and yes little jelly sweets too as a reward. However, when it came to sitting on the potty or the toilet, she wasn’t for it. She put on pants over her nappy. Over the next few months, the doll became toilet trained and she learnt to change her own nappy. She is a clever cookie this one and I’m sure she knew what to do. She just wasn’t ready.

Doll Toilet

 I didn’t blog back when I potty trained my oldest son Lucas, who was easy, looking back. He was a few days and easy to incentivise with stickers and chocolate buttons. Yes, he had a few accidents, but who doesn’t? Tyler, my youngest son I blogged about his potty training, he was stubborn too, as you can read in week 1, but after a week or 2 and some again sweetie and sticker incentives, you can see a pattern forming, he was getting there.

I took to my favourite parenting advice centre, twitter, than you to all that got in touch and got a few suggestions about waiting until she was three. Not ideal when I had to have her trained before starting nursery, but I was getting no where. She started saying she would use the toilet when she was three. Everyone she told it would be her birthday. Now in hindsight she had no concept of when he birthday was and it wasn’t the best day to start it on. It did sort of dominate it, but she was set. As I said stubborn. No idea who she gets it from, daddy, I suspect.

Toilet training

It was Tyler’s birthday the day before hers, the family left and she knew she was going to toilet train the next day. The day of Aria’s birthday came, she opened her gifts and when it came to getting dressed she did put on pants instead of a nappy. It took several hours before she went. I was getting worried. I have a kidney disease, so I worry about my children and this was worrying. She had no accidents and finally after 6 hours she started using the toilet. After that, that was her. She went to do piddles and even poops without a problem. She filled an entire reward chart in a day. Stickers galore. By day two she was going up to the bathroom and going on her own. Huge sigh and pass the wine in a celebratory drink. She wouldn’t go outside of the house, but that would come, wouldn’t it?

Come day four I was back to work. Aria point blank refuses to go to the toilet when I am at work. She has no accidents, just doesn’t go at all. She drinks loads, plays around, goes to toddlers, but no piddles. I’ve had tears, tantrums, facetimes at work, stickers, reward charts, bribery of toys, new toilet seats, you name it, my mum, my mother in law and I tried it. There are some days, if she doesn’t go before I leave for work, it can be almost 24 hours before she goes when I get in. Now, that’s not good is it? More wine needed!

Tub

Finally after a few weeks she started going on the days she was at my mother in laws. Phew. Pass the wine!

My mum watches the kids at our house, so I’d have thought she’d be more comfortable. I was wrong. She loves spending time with her grandparents and they are great with her, but she won’t go with my mum. She goes on her own as soon as I come home, as long as I go up the stairs with her first.

We are five weeks in. She’s been dry all night, dry all day, never had any accidents. What a wee star she is. I am so proud of her. I really am.

Waiting until she was ready, really was the best advice. This I would pass on to anyone about to start on the journey of toilet training. Don’t let others say, oh you know, they really should be done by….. You know your child and they will be out of nappies by the time they 30. Let them pick their own toilet seat or potty. Let them pick their own pants with their favourite characters. Reward charts, stickers and an incentive all work well. But, mainly it takes time and patience. A good washing machine and a glass of wine at the end of the day, for you of course!

The toilet training story hasn’t ended, oh no, she still refuses to go with my mum. I go to work, make sure she goes, but I work long days. If she doesn’t go, and hasn’t been since bedtime the night before, it’s just shy of 24 hours. I get really worried and my mum doesn’t know what else to do. I am hoping it will just come. We’ve tried everything else. She really wanted a Sylvanian family caravan, which we said we’d get her once she’d filled her chart of going to the toilet with her Granny John. Yes, the kids named her that. Another story for another time. But, she doesn’t want it now. She had even started going to other toilets when we are out.

Toilet training, has been particularly stressful and to still is. Have you any tips on what I can do to help my mum and Aria use the toilet when I am at work? I am all out of ideas. And I’d love your potty training tips for others if you fancy sharing. And cheers, I will share my wine.

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Joining Katie over at MummyDaddyMe for the Ordinary Moments…

 

“MumofThree

 

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Comments

  1. Woooooooooooooooohoooooooooooooooooooo well done to you both, I agree worst part of parenting, in the end Addison was trained by Daddy and like you say we left it till her 3rd birthday and then she was ready and dry within a week.

    Deacon is stubborn and he is nowhere near ready, we mention it every so often but I hope he will be ready soon xxx

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  2. I have no tips, other than the name of a very good wine merchants?
    Seriously though, it sounds like you’re all doing the right thing. Praise and keep doing exactly what you’re doing and I’m sure it’ll come right for your mum and Aria in time.
    Oh, and good luck!

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  3. Oh well done! She got there when she was ready, as they all do. It’s such a daunting task; probably the one I was dreading the most with my two but they were both quick and dry within a few days. It really is just about doing it when they are ready to because if they aren’t it is a frustrating time for you and for them x

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  4. I’m glad it’s getting better even if there are still some issues. I don’t know that I really have any tips. Took us ages and I don’t really think I did it very well.

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  5. Aww sounds like you’ve had a tough potty training journey but like you say it’s one of the hardest things and I didn’t like doing it with my son either. I’m so glad she’s going now and hopefully she won’t keep holding it in, fingers crossed. Just keep yourself busy with the wine, we all need it in times of stress like these 🙂

    I never started properly potty training my son till he was 3. There was no rush, luckily the nursery were good, and he def wasn’t ready before that. It took him ages though and he still had the odd accident till he was 5. I’m not looking forward to the journey with my daughter though, she’s a stubborn wee thing! xx

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  6. It sounds like you have had a tough time with the potty training- we have too. LL is obviously the same age as your little girl and we haven’t even started as every time we do it just doesn’t happen. I am getting to the point where I am getting a little worried about it. x

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  7. I totally believe children will potty train when they are ready and I think she/you have done an amazing job. I have no experience with potty training but I do have experience with control and children that like to control ;0). I would say just try not to make an issue of going to the toilet at nanny’s, don’t even mention it and one day she will surprise you. We are just starting our potty training journey with Ethan, he has started to show that he is ready, I might start drinking yet lol

    Thanks for linking up with Small Steps Amazing Achievements :0)
    x

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  8. I couldn’t agree more! You definitely have to wait for them to be ready. I pushed my eldest too early and we had the worst time of it. It just went on and on with accidents every day. My second was a dream and was totally out of nappies day and night within a week – simply because she was ready and willing. Also, all kids are different and get ready at different times. Great read xx

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  9. I feel your pain Susan. My daughter cracked potty training in about three weeks. With my son it took SIX YEARS until he was fully trained including dry at night. There were reward charts, monitoring drinks, getting him up when we went to bed and finally we succeeded with an enuresis alarm. It was a slog but happily those days are over and we are dry now. I say ‘we’ as it was very much a joint effort! Well done on your success so far and long may it continue!

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  11. Ah, happy days! Fortunately this is far behind me now, (although I did get a text message from my 13 year old at work the other day that said ‘I’ve forgotten my key! Come home quick! I’m going to wet myself!). The best advice though really is to wait – it will happen sooner or later, and a few months really doesn’t make any difference in the grand scheme of things.

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  12. I’ve given up for the moment with my 3 year old. I figured that you don’t see grown men who can’t use the toilet therefore I’m sure he will do it when he is ready. My daughter was out of nappies at 18 months so there is no sure way of doing it.

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  14. Wow, it’s been a real roller coaster for you all! Waiting until they’re ready is definitely the best way and I’m glad she’s cracked most aspects of it. It must be a worry with her refusing to go with your mum there, but I’m afraid I have no suggestions!
    Thanks for linking with Loud ‘n’ Proud. x

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  15. We haven’t started with Archie yet, I know physically he is ready but he just doesn’t want to and he is so incredibly stubborn too. I know it won’t be long now (hopefully). Good luck with the final piece of training!

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  16. I tried in vain to toilet train my daughter who has a developmental delay – MASSIVE fail, one day I shall write about it but there will be a disclaimer for those with weak stomachs. Well done on getting there – I am actually fearful to try again…but I guess in time it will happen. I’ll be tweeting for advice! #abitofeverything

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  17. Oh god, I’m just entering the foray of toilet training and am anxious to say the least. I can’t see it going well if truth be told. I’ve just taken to sitting my son on the potty at a certain time for a small amount of time and seeing what happens. Not a lot thus far. #abitofeverything

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  18. Hated toilet training first time and dreading round 2! Although second kiddies do seem more interested in the loo? You are so right – the most important factor is definitely patience…and WINE! x
    #abitofeverything

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  19. Ah, the old potty training…I remember it well! Apparently, as a child, I would refuse to use any other toilet but ‘my own’ and my youngest was pretty much the same but I’m not sure why. I was concerned about her getting kidney infections, UTIs, etc and got to the point of desperation…I bought some wet wipes and hand sanitizer and every time we went to the mall I made a point of taking her to the public toilets (and I absolutely loathe public toilets!). I’d like to tell you that it made a difference but she’s at school now and will still wait till she gets home before she goes! If you are worried about it perhaps have a chat with your GP… sorry I couldn’t be of more use. Good luck #abitofeverything

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  20. She is indeed a wee star. I know how worried you were when she wouldn’t go for anyone else but as you say she knows her mind and knows what she is doing. I remember thinking life had moved on a stage when I had all mine out of nappies, watch out though because it suddenly runs away and they are all grown up! #Abitofeverything

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  21. Toilet training my eldest was a pain it took ages after her 3rd birthday then we suddenly cracked it weeks before nursery! Hoping to try a little sooner with my 19mo as she seems to understand more but I’m sure it will still involve plenty of bribes for her & much needed alchohol for me! I don’t have any suggestions unfortunately but I do hope she stops holding it in soon! xx #abitofeverything

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  22. nothing to do with potty training but your daughter sounds fab – just how amazing is she going to be when she’s older – all those gigs/festivals etc where she won’t have to use those awful portababins as she has the magic bladder – I know it’s not great advice but I tried and I’m excellent at drinking wine so will pop over to share and am sure after a couple of glasses we will have all the answers to potty training. Joking aside though I do hope you get there – child cognitive behaviour therapy from your health visitor/GP may be an option – her poor little mind is over thinking it all bless her #abitofeverything

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  23. I am so not looking forward to this… my little diva will def need me to wait til shes ready!
    #abitofeverything

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  24. I wish I had some advice for you but it sounds like you have already done everything right. My daughters were fairly easy, but my son was hard. He is 6 and he still sometimes wets at night! #Thanks for hosting #abitofeverything

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  25. I remember starting my daughter, then stopping and waiting a while. She was lazy and whilst it wasn’t an issue she was prone to accidents. I love how Aria was stubborn enough to know when she was ready and well done to her for no accidents. I’m sorry I don’t have any advice for you to help out with your mum situation though #abitofeverything

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  26. What are these kids like?! They do keep us on our toes with their little whims and worry the blooming life out of us don’t they. Sounds as though she was only going to do it on her terms. My daughter was the same, got up one day and said I want to go on the toilet and that was it. I take no credit at all. Love Aria’s hair. I also have a redhead. Thank you for hosting #abitofeverything

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  27. Ho old was your little girl when you started potty training. I hear all different ages so don’t know when to start #abitofeverything

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  29. all kids are different. And i feel your pain. My eldest boy was out of nappies day and night at 2.5 years. no bother. I can’t even remember training him. My daughter took until she was 3 to be out of nappies. going on 5 we still haven’t mastered night time. My 3rd child (boy) is now 3.5 yrs, out of nappies since he was almost 3 and we have started the night time training now. its tough. every child is different and with my aughterbeing almost 5 i feel like i need to go back to the drawing board…..:( Any advice welcome.

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  30. Love it! I started my son when he was about 3. He was rubbish and would just stand there and let wee run down his legs. My daughter asked to not have nappies. I told her she had to have dry nappies all day and ask for the potty, then she could wear panties. She did it. She then wanted to be nappyless at night, I did the same. She took one day and one night to “potty train” and never had an accident. I think she was about two and a half. They are all different but I am amazed your little one can hold herself that long. Sorry no advice other than just ignore it? If she’s stubborn maybe she does it because everyone is trying to make her go? #abitofeverything

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  31. Aww bless her,she obviously just wants mummy around while she goes to the loo!I’ve just started potty training my 2 and a half year old, he will only go on the potty if he’s naked and refuses to go anywhere near the actual toilet. We are just taking it slow,no pressure. I think waiting until they are ready really is the best advice xx #abitofeverything

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  32. Oh boy yes potty training is stressful! I was lucky with BP, my mother-in-law had him sorted while we went on our honeymoon. By the time we got back he was sorted and didn’t really have accidents after that, it was like magic. With LP though it was tough. I tried him too early and we had LOTS of accidents. I left it a while and then came back to it. He took to it well just after he turned three. But… even now (6 years old) he has accidents at night. We’ve talked about it a lot, he wears pull-ups to bed. Over the last week or so I’ve encouraged him to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, I even leave all the lights on for him. I’m hoping this will have him sorted.

    My point is they get there when they’re ready. I’m sure that Aria will go eventually, I can’t think of any advice… sorry hun. I think you’ve covered all the ideas I would’ve had. Hope you have it sorted soon. xx
    #abitofeverything

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  33. oh I hear you!! I tried everything and hated the cabin fever from being stuck indoors while making our attempts at potty training. seding HUGS and WINE xx #abitofeverything

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  34. Ugh…potty training my daughter has been much harder than it was with my son. She just finally decided that she wanted to. Not forcing her made the difference for me. She is 3 and has been potty trained for several months now. I tried giving her stickers and M&M’s as rewards but it just didn’t make her want to try. When I backed off it got easier. Good Luck!

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  35. Potty training is the worst! My only advice is to just suck up all the accidents (not literally – that would be gross) and get the carpets cleaned when they have it mastered! Ever since my son went nappy commando, every time anyone drops anything on the carpet, I get think of how we’ll have it cleaned when my daughter has potty trained 😉
    x Alice
    #abitofeverything

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  36. It is hard. We go back and forth in progress and isee frustrating for all. Given that being a parent means that going to the toilet is a team sport (I’m coming too) we make a point of going ourselves when we want them to try. They’re all about mimicking at the moment.

    Another trick is whenever we go out we make a point of taking them to the toilet as soon as possible even if they don’t go so they know where it is and that they can use it if they need to.

    #abitofeverything

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  38. I’m still a long way off toilet training my wee one, but my mum said that the only thing that worked when she was training me was bribing me with M&Ms! #abitofeverything

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  39. Your daughter sounds like mine! I knew that she was smart enough to be potty trained, but she downright refused to sit on the potty, and would hold her pee in for hours and hours. Eventually once we relaxed about it she did it on her own terms. Potty training is the worst, you’re right!!
    #abitofeverything
    Tori
    http://www.themamanurse.com

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  40. I agree with above, wine doesn’t cut it. Crack open the vodka!!! I have one more to potty train and I will never have to endure the ordeal again!! #abitofeverything

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  41. Bless her, I must say that’s some bladder control not going all day. Great advice as well! I’m not looking forward to toilet training, but am looking forward to no more nappies #bitofeverything xx

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  42. I have no advice I’m afraid, mainly because Mini R hasn’t started potty training yet. He tells me when he’s poo’d so we bought a potty but thats it! Waiting till he’s ready is what we are going to do. He’s only 21 months so still got some time #abitofeverything

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  43. Have some wine lovely! It sounds like your little lady has done amazingly well. The only possible tip I can suggest is to just, well in the nicest possible way… stop caring? I don’t mean that flippantly and I know it’s easier said than done. I just mean that if she’s anything like my two the more fuss you make the more inclined they are to do the opposite? If nobody mentions it at all on the days she’s with your mum she might just take herself off for a wee to get a reaction?

    We’ll be training our youngest later this year /early next year and I’ll be remembering your tips so thanks so much for sharing and hosting!

    Dawn x
    #abitofeverything

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  44. We were so fortunate with our Big. She said she wanted to be in diapers until she was a teenager. So, we said, okay. Then, one day, she just woke up and said, “Im going to use the potty now.” She was in the threes and that was that. Make no bones about it–she did it. Little, not so easy. But we have weathered both successfully!

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  45. My little boy wouldn’t entertain the potty – used to sit there screaming – and then we bought him a frog one and he loved it. It was celebrations all round the day he did his first poo. Oh the joys of toilet training lol

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  47. Congrats! It just goes to show that they need to be ready. Well done for pursuing it and I’m so glad that goes now, but my not going for 24 hours – she must be bursting! There are some good tips about getting them to choose the potty and pants, I’ll try and apply these in a few years when my daughter is around 2/3 year mark. Claire x #abitofeverything

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  48. We have the same problem with one of our boys, he will not go on the potty/toilet at nursery. He shouts and screams. At home he is in pants, although I need to put him on the potty, he won’t go on his own. Its frustrating and I am so fed up cleaning accidents. Still he will get there in his own time I am sure, if not there is always wine. ps I love your wine comments, we could be friends 🙂 xxx #abitofeverything

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  49. That’s a great tip to let them choose their own pants! I’ll remember that when the time comes. #abitofeverything

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  50. Ok, you definitely need a case of the finest wine, all to yourself, after this ordeal! I’ll send some of my personal favourite-Cloudy Bay!! She is doing really well, but the not going when your mum is around must be really stressful, especially with the worry you have about kidney problems. But it sounds like she will get that really quickly, judging by how quickly she’s done the rest of it! The beginning of our story is quite similar to yours-we let our eldest choose his potty/seat/pants etc, and I painstakingly made a reward chart for him, and he set a date that he would start. But on that day, he screamed about not wanting to do it, until he was sick, then went to the fridge where the chart was, threw water over it, and tore it up for good measure! Every time we’ve tried since, he’s cried until he’s sick. He’s nearly 3&1/2 now, and I have no problem with him being in nappies, and I’m all for waiting until he’s ready, but I keep getting creeping thoughts that he may end up getting really close to going to school, and still not be ready… I’m trying to push those thoughts to the back of my mind… Keeping in mind that I won’t be sending him to university with a nappy on…!
    Thanks for co-hostessing #abitofeverything!

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  51. Toilet training is such hard work! Our daughter trained up so easily with wees but wasn’t on for doing a poo in the toilet – at all! After a few days I ended up putting her nappy on for her to go – I felt that was better than her holding it but that became the routine. After a month or so I kept encouraging her to go in the toilet – honestly, in the end I bribed her with a trip to the toy store. Probably not gold star parenting but it worked. She went – we partied like it was 1999 & she picked a little Elsa doll. So everyone is happy now! 🙂 Good luck – your daughter will get there in the end! #abitofeverything

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  52. Wow! That is really some holding. I’m actually amazed she can hold that long. She sounds very very strong minded. Have you tried telling her you’re not a bit bothered if she won’t go at Granny Johns? And totally ignoring it & not mentioning it at all. It could be that she is enjoying the attention it’s giving her & maybe if no one is worrying or talking about it or offering bribes to go, holding might get boring. Just a thought! Thanks for hosting!! #abitofeverything

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  53. phew! not as bad as I thought. We have all of this to come. I love how stubborn Aria is and then she totally nails it like a pro!
    Good luck with getting Aria to pee whilst you are at work. I’m sure she will get it soon xx

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  54. Wow – she is really determined! Hope the final issues resolves soon! My eldest will be 3 soon & she is just refusing to take part in any potty training too. We are now waiting & hoping she will get ready in her own time. (19 month old, meanwhile, is making a valiant attempt to potty train herself. Obviously!) #abitofeverything

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  55. All of my three children were so challenging in different ways when it came to toilet training too. What I did learn is that they will do it when they are ready and there is no one right age to do that. Each one of my kids was toilet trained at a different age- 2, 3 and 4 years old. Good luck!

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  56. I am happy to say that I never rushed potty training. My first, was 2 1/2 and it was summer and he didn’t want to pee in the pool so he started peeing in the bushes and then one day he was just potty trained…so easy. The second, a girl was great about the potty for 1 but took a while for poo to get there. Lots of accidents…lots of underwear thrown away. Lol. By the 3rd …the other 2 taught her and she was fully trained even night time before 3. Seems like ages ago now. Thanks for hostessing #abitofeverything!

    Reply

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