Susan K Mann

Award Nominated Mummy & Parenting blogger. Blogging about the highs and lows of being a working mother of two princes & princess, living out our own fairytale in Scotland.

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First Attempt Poetry – Time

9th June 2010 By Susan Mann 16 Comments

This is my first ever attempt at Poetry so please bear with me and be gentle. I wrote this poem for both the lovely Josie at Sleep is for the Weak, Writing Workshop and for Tim’s Writing Course.
I chose to pick the prompt Time from Josie’s list. I am not sure this is what she is looking for but I hope it’s ok. This is what I can up with.

 

Time
Without you, there’s no sun in the rain.
Without you, there’s no smile in the pain.
Without you, there’s no fun in the toy.
Without you, there’s no girl in the boy.
Without you, there’s no light in the dark.
Without you, there’s no swing in the park.
Without you, all there is, is time.
Without you, you’re not mine.
This post is protected under copyright. SusankMann 2009 – 2014

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Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: Creative Writing, Mental health, Poetry, Writing

Comments

  1. elainescott77 says

    9th June 2010 at 8:42 pm

    For your first attempt Susan I think its fab.. I know nothing about poetry though but I enjoyed reading this. its really good 🙂 xx

    Reply
  2. Mary Patricia Bird says

    10th June 2010 at 1:14 am

    You've written a beautiful poem. I really like it.

    Reply
  3. icklebabe_com says

    10th June 2010 at 5:24 am

    Aw thats so beautiful, well done! x

    Reply
  4. Nickie @ Typecast says

    10th June 2010 at 9:02 am

    First attempt – bloody fantastic 🙂 Love the "swing in the park" line 😀

    Reply
  5. Lacey Weatherford says

    10th June 2010 at 9:06 am

    Love it Susan!! You are awesome!!:D

    Reply
  6. SeaThreePeeO says

    10th June 2010 at 9:46 am

    That is a fantastic poem! It fglows really well and is wonderfully written.I have also written a poem for time. I would be grateful for any comments.

    Reply
  7. yummymummyno1 says

    10th June 2010 at 10:03 am

    Oh wow, how beautiful! And I can't believe that this is your first attempt at poetry?! You are an absolute natural xx

    Reply
  8. SusanKMann says

    10th June 2010 at 10:15 am

    Thank you guys, I am amazed. I thought everyone would think it was rubbish. Thank you I appreciate all the love and encouragement more than I can say. xx

    Reply
  9. New Mummy says

    10th June 2010 at 11:12 am

    I love it Susan, Its really is a good poem you should write more. I love the fact we both chose Time and to write a poem

    Reply
  10. The Dotterel says

    10th June 2010 at 2:01 pm

    I agree with the above… simple but so effective: the structure, as much as anything, reflects the subject so well and the lovely paired images are so evocative.

    Reply
  11. Josie @Sleep is for says

    11th June 2010 at 7:31 am

    First attempt?! Blimey Susan that's fab! You clever soul!Simple, well structured. Like Tim says, I love the paired imagery. Really clever!More please!!

    Reply
  12. Angela Addams says

    11th June 2010 at 10:32 pm

    Well done! And Bravo for attempting…I can't say I have the guts to ever try it!

    Reply
  13. Livi says

    13th June 2010 at 12:13 pm

    That is an incredible first attempt! Excellent, I love it.

    Reply
  14. Danielle La Paglia says

    14th June 2010 at 1:27 am

    Nice job, Angela! Thank you for sharing it with us.

    Reply
  15. Ken says

    14th June 2010 at 3:00 am

    I read this aloud to my wife. It flew over her head until the line, "Without you, all there is, is time." She said it reminded her of my year in Iraq, where all she did in my absence was watch the hands move around the clock for an entire year, until I returned. Nicely done.

    Reply
  16. dbreynolds says

    14th June 2010 at 10:51 pm

    Sad. A perfect expression of loss.

    Reply

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