Susan K Mann

Award Nominated Top Vuelio Mummy & Parenting blogger. Blogging about the highs and lows of being a working mother of two princes & princess, living out our own fairytale in Scotland.

First Attempt Poetry – Time

By 16 Comments

This is my first ever attempt at Poetry so please bear with me and be gentle. I wrote this poem for both the lovely Josie at Sleep is for the Weak, Writing Workshop and for Tim’s Writing Course.
I chose to pick the prompt Time from Josie’s list. I am not sure this is what she is looking for but I hope it’s ok. This is what I can up with.

Time
Without you, there’s no sun in the rain.
Without you, there’s no smile in the pain.
Without you, there’s no fun in the toy.
Without you, there’s no girl in the boy.
Without you, there’s no light in the dark.
Without you, there’s no swing in the park.
Without you, all there is, is time.
Without you, you’re not mine.
This post is protected under copyright. SusankMann 2009 – 2014
  • elainescott77

    For your first attempt Susan I think its fab.. I know nothing about poetry though but I enjoyed reading this. its really good 🙂 xx

  • Mary Patricia Bird

    You've written a beautiful poem. I really like it.

  • icklebabe_com

    Aw thats so beautiful, well done! x

  • First attempt – bloody fantastic 🙂 Love the "swing in the park" line 😀

  • Love it Susan!! You are awesome!!:D

  • That is a fantastic poem! It fglows really well and is wonderfully written.I have also written a poem for time. I would be grateful for any comments.

  • Oh wow, how beautiful! And I can't believe that this is your first attempt at poetry?! You are an absolute natural xx

  • Thank you guys, I am amazed. I thought everyone would think it was rubbish. Thank you I appreciate all the love and encouragement more than I can say. xx

  • I love it Susan, Its really is a good poem you should write more. I love the fact we both chose Time and to write a poem

  • The Dotterel

    I agree with the above… simple but so effective: the structure, as much as anything, reflects the subject so well and the lovely paired images are so evocative.

  • First attempt?! Blimey Susan that's fab! You clever soul!Simple, well structured. Like Tim says, I love the paired imagery. Really clever!More please!!

  • Angela Addams

    Well done! And Bravo for attempting…I can't say I have the guts to ever try it!

  • That is an incredible first attempt! Excellent, I love it.

  • Nice job, Angela! Thank you for sharing it with us.

  • Ken

    I read this aloud to my wife. It flew over her head until the line, "Without you, all there is, is time." She said it reminded her of my year in Iraq, where all she did in my absence was watch the hands move around the clock for an entire year, until I returned. Nicely done.

  • Sad. A perfect expression of loss.