This is my first ever attempt at Poetry so please bear with me and be gentle. I wrote this poem for both the lovely Josie at Sleep is for the Weak, Writing Workshop and for Tim’s Writing Course.
I chose to pick the prompt Time from Josie’s list. I am not sure this is what she is looking for but I hope it’s ok. This is what I can up with.
Time
Without you, there’s no sun in the rain.
Without you, there’s no smile in the pain.
Without you, there’s no fun in the toy.
Without you, there’s no girl in the boy.
Without you, there’s no light in the dark.
Without you, there’s no swing in the park.
Without you, all there is, is time.
Without you, you’re not mine.
This post is protected under copyright. SusankMann 2009 – 2014
elainescott77 says
9th June 2010 at 8:42 pmFor your first attempt Susan I think its fab.. I know nothing about poetry though but I enjoyed reading this. its really good 🙂 xx
Mary Patricia Bird says
10th June 2010 at 1:14 amYou've written a beautiful poem. I really like it.
icklebabe_com says
10th June 2010 at 5:24 amAw thats so beautiful, well done! x
Nickie @ Typecast says
10th June 2010 at 9:02 amFirst attempt – bloody fantastic 🙂 Love the "swing in the park" line 😀
Lacey Weatherford says
10th June 2010 at 9:06 amLove it Susan!! You are awesome!!:D
SeaThreePeeO says
10th June 2010 at 9:46 amThat is a fantastic poem! It fglows really well and is wonderfully written.I have also written a poem for time. I would be grateful for any comments.
yummymummyno1 says
10th June 2010 at 10:03 amOh wow, how beautiful! And I can't believe that this is your first attempt at poetry?! You are an absolute natural xx
SusanKMann says
10th June 2010 at 10:15 amThank you guys, I am amazed. I thought everyone would think it was rubbish. Thank you I appreciate all the love and encouragement more than I can say. xx
New Mummy says
10th June 2010 at 11:12 amI love it Susan, Its really is a good poem you should write more. I love the fact we both chose Time and to write a poem
The Dotterel says
10th June 2010 at 2:01 pmI agree with the above… simple but so effective: the structure, as much as anything, reflects the subject so well and the lovely paired images are so evocative.
Josie @Sleep is for says
11th June 2010 at 7:31 amFirst attempt?! Blimey Susan that's fab! You clever soul!Simple, well structured. Like Tim says, I love the paired imagery. Really clever!More please!!
Angela Addams says
11th June 2010 at 10:32 pmWell done! And Bravo for attempting…I can't say I have the guts to ever try it!
Livi says
13th June 2010 at 12:13 pmThat is an incredible first attempt! Excellent, I love it.
Danielle La Paglia says
14th June 2010 at 1:27 amNice job, Angela! Thank you for sharing it with us.
Ken says
14th June 2010 at 3:00 amI read this aloud to my wife. It flew over her head until the line, "Without you, all there is, is time." She said it reminded her of my year in Iraq, where all she did in my absence was watch the hands move around the clock for an entire year, until I returned. Nicely done.
dbreynolds says
14th June 2010 at 10:51 pmSad. A perfect expression of loss.