Do you ever get the feeling that you are a sizzling firework ready to explode into a sea of sparking colours? This is how I’m feeling just now.
As parents, we wear many hats from mother, carer, toy boo boo kisser, to referee and many many more. A cacophony of thoughts going through my head about parties, school activities, after school, football matches, etc. On top of that juggling all the items that come with running a house, looking after a family and working is proving a little taxing.
At present I’m struggling and feeling a little frazzled to say the least. I’m usually such an organised person, but throw a few curve balls in the way and I’ve lost all sense of direction. Aria has an operation coming up next week, which is minor, but still worrying and a whole other post. But between her appointments and not a lot of notice for for her pre-op, juggling childcare and my working hours it hasn’t been anything less than stressful. Throw in several hospital appointments of my own, a Breast clinic appointment, scans and ENT appointment all within two weeks, you can see why I’m fried.
Everyone has a lot on these days and many balls to juggle, so I hate to go on about how I’m feeling, but thought if there was anywhere I could vent it would be here. Just to be clear: I’m not complaining. I feel incredibly fortunate in my life, still, it can be overwhelming.
I feel like I’m failing to do anything right just no. Yes the children are well, fed, clothed, bathed, homework done and never late for school. Not all in that order and yes there may have been the off microwave pizza thrown in there. Yes I still built Lego at the weekend and made brownies with them. But I’m not doing as much as I’d normally so as I’ve always got something to do. I’ve shorter fused than normal. I’m at work, doing my hours and more trying to make up for the time off I need for hospital appointments. I just feel like I am going to burst.
I’ve let a few things slip, nothing major, but I end up beating myself up about it, feeling like I’ve let people down. I hate more than anything letting people down.
Blogging, I’m behind on and my writing, two things I love. Now I know these aren’t life or death, but I have some writing assignments I should have had done beginning of March I just don’t like letting people down. Plus I want to do these, but…. you know what it’s like.
I’m an organised person and much rather help and listen to others. I take on too much, try to help and do it no matter what as its important to me.
Don’t get me wrong my mental health has improved I feel. I am not feeling depressed, I had really bad anxiety after Aria, but I’ve had some help with that. Yes I’ve still a long way to go and many bowling pins to knock down as the lovely Dawn at Think it Change it explains. I will get there.
Sometimes things get overwhelming don’t they? What about you all? Do you ever feel this or do I just complicate things too much for myself? Tell me your thoughts and feelings.Help! I’m a firework about to explode. I’m not alone in feeling like this or am I going insane?
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